Should I?

Happy Tuesday. One day down and closer to Friday!

This weekend I'll be headed to the lovely city of Cleveland. You might think Cleveland is shitty or a laughing stock, but to me its home. To me, it means my family and the places so vivid in my memories growing up. I can honestly say I never pictured leaving Cleveland. And its so funny now, I can't really see myself moving back. Maybe it means something or maybe its just that this life has so much uncertainty, there's no need to envision what your future might hold. We've been in Chicago 3 years now; I love it here. Its so vastly different than Cleveland, in both good ways and bad.

I have come to greatly appreciate the opportunity to fully experience Chicago. It took almost 3 years to get that feeling. I finally feel like I belong. Its sad to miss home less and less, but I can't help but feel its normal. Since Ryan and I are both from Cleveland going back always turns into a chore of fitting in time to see everyone. You think that we would get more people to see us, but its actually rare. Maybe its why I'm so bitter?

I mention all of this because there is a solid chance we'll be leaving Chicago next year. Who knows if we'll find our way back to Cleveland or if we'll end up in a new place all together. And for the first time ever, it doesn't bother me. I could find myself 12 hours from home and people would still only come out once or twice a year. I'm not saying people aren't busy or it isnt expensive to travel, these are just the cold hard facts. I wish I could put words together on how frustrating it is to live in an amazing place and have your mother only come once to see you. Or to have your sister not show up at all. Friends that always make plans to come, but never make it. So I've found myself wondering why would I move back to be with these people? So I can be conveniently close for them to spend time with me?

A long time ago when I was writing, I wrote a chapter on this. I must say, I'm a little worried posting it now. Everyone is so emotional, so defensive, so full of excuses. But aren't I creating an excuse if I don't post what I'm really thinking? I mean, isn't it common when you move away to lose touch with people and to find out who is truly there for you?

So after long deliberation, I've decided that chapter is going up. For better or worse, I'll stick by my words. I can't possibly be typing things people don't already know....